Rindas2mom: Looking Back

Friday, July 31, 2009

Looking Back

Looking back is something that WE TRY NOT TO DO. It's hard, but WE TRY to focus on the issue at hand. We try to look toward to the future with hope and anticipation. It's just too hard to look back. Looking back to how Rinda "used to be" is so painful. Rinda was a delightful child. She was very cooperative and eager to please. She had such a pleasing personality and a kind heart. Rinda never had a problem with anyone (except her #1 Mom). Her soul was pure and undamaged. Rinda had dreams for her life without limitations. Her magical eyes saw the world with such a clear vision without the biased views of "adult issues".

Back then Rinda loved, trusted and respected her Dad and I. Back then, she had all she needed to be able to thrive and grow as a person. Back then, she was self assured and confident. Back then, she knew that whatever happened that she had the security and support of her family. She was a little girl with big dreams. Rinda had every opportunity to reach those goals. Rinda's Dad could not ever have prepared her for what was to happen to her life as "parental alienation" hijacked our family. What was taken from her can not be restored. The path that she had been on took such a destructive detour which nobody could have predicted. Rinda's Dad and I are not the same people that we would have been had we not been through this ordeal, so how could we ever hope that she would be the same person as before this traumatic experience.

We can't afford to look back, we've lost too much. There has been too much damage done. Looking back is too painful. In the above photo, Rinda's shell necklace is hanging from the rear view mirror. Rinda's Dad has left her necklace hanging from the rear view mirror in his truck for the past 8 years. He still has one of Rinda's "beanie baby" stuffed animals on the console.

On August 4, 2009, Rinda's Dad will attend the two hour interview with the social worker for a social study regarding our custody case. After his interview, the social worker is supposed to start the social study which will include traveling out of state to our home. I will be interviewed when she comes to our house. We are so looking forward to this process. It will be the first time that we will have the opportunity to address the important issues regarding Rinda with someone who may actually have the authority to do something about it.

Although Rinda will turn 18 years old in 10 months and 14 days, we believe that this intervention will be in her best interest. Time is not on our side but if she gets some of the things she needs to start her adult life, then maybe, the pain and suffering of spending so many years living in the darkness of parental alienation can be healed. Maybe looking forward instead of looking back, with the security of our love and support will be able to restore Rindas dreams for a bright and shiny future. Maybe ?

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A Summary of Events

1999-2001 Rinda, her dad & I had a very happy life together.We were very bonded as a family unit & enjoyed our time together. We lived, loved, laughed together. We had Spaghetti night on Wednesdays. We hung a photo of Rinda's mother in Rinda's bedroom. Rinda was an exceptional child. She was sweet, smart, funny and beautiful. She did not have a problem in the world. She was just a little girl that loved BOTH her mother and her father. She was a joy and blessing to our lives until Parental Alienation destroyed our relationship and destroyed her ability to love, trust and respect her Dad & I.

2001- 2010 Rinda's mother sent us official notice that she was relocating Rinda to the West Coast to live, which broke our hearts. We made the decison to move away solely based on that lie. Later, we discovered that her mother had moved her to a new school a few miles from her old school. We would have NEVER gave up our weekends with Rinda....NEVER...EVER. We began having "lunch visits" with Rinda every Thursday. Over the years we have had several lawyers, which were hired to "fix" the problem of being denied access to Rinda . When the judge ordered Access Facilitation to re-unite our family we were thrilled. When they refused to enforce the court order we were heart-broken again. Rinda was being told lies about us and about the situation BUT we never spoke against her mother, NEVER. We never spoke up to defend ourselves since we didn't want for Rinda to be put in the middle. Rinda was told to be afraid of us and that we would kidnap her and never let her see her mother again. She was told that we had abandoned her and moved away and had forgotten about her. She was also told that her dad NEVER paid child support, which was another lie. She was told that she didn't have dental insurance which was a lie also. During 4th, 5th and 6th grade, the only way we could see her was to have lunch at her school. The attorney said we shouldn't go back to her school until he got the situation worked out. I didn't see her face for all of 7th grade & by the last week 8th grade I decided to go against what the lawyer said. On 5-19-2006 I went to lunch during the last week of 8th grade. We took fotos, talked & laughed. She told me she loves me. She gave me her email address & we kept in touch for about 6 months, In Nov.2006, I went to have lunch with Rinda who was now in 9th grade. The school notified Rinda's mother & when they told Rinda her mother had been told of my visit, Rinda declined to see me....It was the first time ever that she EVER said she didn't want to see her Dad & I. That is when we learned that Rinda had kept our school lunch visits a secret from her mother since 2001. To this day, I have not seen Rinda's face since 5-19-2006. By 2007, Rinda began having problems at home and school. We have done everything in our power to help Rinda however, she and her mother have defied us at every turn. They have defied every court order and continue to do so.Her Dad has consulted with her school officials, her doctors and all the other professionals which had contact with Rinda & her problems. He had to push & push to get the school to file truancy after after she continually failed in school due to truancy. All the years we tried to get our visitation rights enforced, we were only asking the court to enforce the rights that we already had. On the advice of our most recent attorney we filed for full custody when Rinda was 16 years old. We were told that due to her poor attendance record, truancy, failure in school, legal problems as well as behavioral problems that we should be given the opportunity to intervene on Rinda's behalf, to get her back on the right track & hopefully salvage her high school career. Delay after delay, finally, a social study was ordered which proved EVERYTHING that we had been claiming for years to be TRUE. Rinda's life has been damaged due to PARENTAL ALIENATION, now, it is officially documented by the Family Court System for what ever that is worth. The social worker agrees that Rinda NEEDS to be reunited with her Dad, but....it's too late, since Family Court isn't set up to deal with situations such as ours. As a token, they ordered Rinda to attend counseling with her Dad, but she continues to defy that court order as well (she only attended 2 sessions) Now with her 18th birthday approaching, we have NO other (legal) recourse.....although no one will uphold the law and allow Rinda's Dad to exercise his rights as a father...he is being required to continue to pay child support which enables Rinda's downward spiral. After 4 yrs of high school Rinda will remain in 10th grade at the end of this school year, she should be graduating 6-8-2010. Her graduation date according to her school records is now 2012. In summary,"our" little girl was stolen from us, our heart have been held hostage since 2001, her childhood was hijacked and her life has been greatly damaged.

This is the bottom line......the system chewed us up and spit us out but the true victim of the system's failure is Rinda. Her life will never be the same. Our life will never be the same. What has been taken from her (and us) can never be replaced.

May God have mercy on our souls because no one else has shown us a single ounce of mercy. May God find a way to keep Rinda safe and somehow guide her life in a positive direction, because apparently it is now out of our hands !!!!

PARENTAL ALIENATION CASES SHOULD NOT BE IN FAMILY COURT THEY SHOULD BE DEALT WITH IN CRIMINAL COURT.