Paper Treasures

Some people might not consider paper to be treasure. I strongly disagree. After my mom's death in 2007, to me, the most important thing in her house was her paperwork. There are so many treasures hidden away in the papers left behind. I call them Paper Treasures. I'm going to share some Paper Treasure with you from my husband's calendar book from 1992. When we came across this treasure in some boxes recently, I was really touched by some of the notes that Rinda's Dad wrote way back then. His notations are in his own handwriting. Typically, it's the mom that writes such things but he was always a very devoted dad. Until she was taken from us Rinda's Dad WAS the psychological parent. He was the one that took her everywhere he went. He fed her, bathed her and changed her diapers. Later, he was the dad who disciplined her, taught her right from wrong, did homework with her, took her to the library and played games with her. He took his role as her dad very seriously. Here are some of the entries:

May 14, 1992 - Baby Shower

June 9, 1992 - Rinda was born

June 12, 1992 - Baby Due (so, Rinda arrived early)

August 21, 1992 - Rinda is very observant. She turns her head at will,
at moving objects or a noises. She has been doing this
for the past several days

August 24, 1992 - Rinda has been in good moods when she gets up in the
mornings. She awes and goo's. She smiles alot before she
is ready to eat

August 25, 1992 - Rinda is learning to use her hands. She is able to hold an
object for a few seconds. Rinda is sleeping for 8-11 hours
at night. TODAY IS HER 11 WEEK BIRTHDAY ! ! ! !

August 27, 1992 - Rinda tries to take or touch objects by herself. She "talks"
in between her feedings, then she gets a little fussy. She
has a great smile, like her Daddy. Her hair is still a amber
color

Sept.3, 1992 - Rinda is able to balance her head pretty good but not
fully yet

Sept.9, 1992 - Rinda is starting to learn to use her eye/hand coordination.
She makes alot of baby sounds. She is trying to talk like
Mommy and Daddy

Sept.11, 1992 - Rinda went for her shots today but she wasn't very excited
about the visit. We are taking good care of Rinda but her
fever has been in the range of 100.4 to 101 degrees

Sept.14, 1992 - Rinda is very alert. She observes everything that we do.
She can pick up on sound very good. Rinda's favorite
color is red

Sept.29, 1992 - Rinda has been sick for the past several days. She has been
on medications and nose drops

Sept.30, 1992 - Rinda is feeling much better. She is able to sleep in a normal
position now. She is getting back to her normal routine

Oct. 2, 1992 - June Bug (Rinda) uses both of her hands now, picking up
her favorite toy at will. She is able to hold them for awhile.
June Bug is always on watch. She is very active

Dec. 3, 1992 - June Bug is able to push herself from a lying position to sit up

The Delay Game

Here we are just days away from the Monday, May 18, 2009 court date and already we are being given the run around. At least this time it doesn't appear to be the Family Court System or our attorney that is the problem (yet). The opposing counsel, the attorney for the A.P. (alienating parent), at the last minute, has requested a delay.

Now the new court date has been set for Monday, June 1, 2009. Yes, we are frustrated and disappointed that, again, we must wait. By the time that date rolls around, we will have had more time to worry and stress out over the whole issue. On June 1, Rinda will be only 8 days away from turning 17 years old. Our summer visitation is supposed to be on June 6, 2009. Another birthday that we will miss. Another summer visitation that will be denied.

As always, we are united and we are determined. After all, that we have been through already, I guess we shouldn't fret too much over having to wait an additional two weeks to have the initial court hearing. In the parental alienation game, patience and tenacity are our only true allies.

A Letter To Rinda From Rindas2mom

Rinda,

You emailed yesterday and asked me why your Dad filed for full custody and is going to court next Monday ? I could give you the long answer as I did in the 8 page, single spaced, typed letter that I wrote to you back in 2007, but instead I'll give you the short answer: BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU....and because he is still your Dad. And as your Dad, it is still his responsibility to guide your life in a positive direction

You keep reminding us that you'll be turning 17 years old in June. Yes, my love, we know your birthday all too well. It is 26 days, 13hours and 58 minutes from this moment. When you were taken from us in May 2001 (just a couple of weeks before your 9th birthday) until now has been TWO THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND 10 DAYS (2,910 days), 10 HOURS, 3 MINUTES AND 17 SECONDS. That my dear is a very long time.

By the way, for your 9th birthday, we had already gotten your Hamster Habitat, that you'd been wanting so badly. We still have it, stored away in the attic at the cabin. Thank goodness, that we didn't go ahead and buy the hamsters in advance or we'd have been taking care of them for all these years as we have had to do with your bunny rabbit. By the way,sorry to tell you but Wuzzy died a few years ago and we buried her in our pet cemetery here at our place.

Yes, my sweetie, we have recognized and honored your birthday year after year for the past eight birthdays. Some years, I'd bake your favorite Dark Chocolate Fudge Cake. But every one of those birthdays we commemorated your special day without you. And most likely, we will continue to be separated for this next birthday as well.

Seventeen.....it certainly does have a special ring to it doesn't it. What a beautiful young woman you've grown up to be. Even though as far as you are concerned, we aren't your parents and we have no value to you, still, we love you so much and no matter what, we will never give up on you ! ! ! !

A Letter to Rinda From Kristen H.

Family are the most important people in your life.

When you have times where you have stooped so low that you dont love yourself YOUR family still loves you.

When that one and only breaks your heart into a million pieces YOUR family is there to glue the pieces back together.

When you fail that test that you needed to pass YOUR family is there to lift your spirits.

No one can (or should) come between you and your family.

Kristen H. - 21 years old

A Letter to Rinda From Molly G.

Rinda is such a lucky young girl!

She doesn't understand that love is going to be there regardless of who she wants to love her.

She's lucky to have a "REAL" father that loves her unlike me who had to find another father figure to love me.

And that's not cool to just shove the people that love you away.

Most kids don't get that !

Molly G.- 17 years old

A Letter To Rinda From Katie G....

Hello Rinda, My name is Katie and I know your stepmom L. I actually call her Aunt L. because she is like family to me!!!

I am NOT here to save her or defend her put her on a pedastal...I am actually here to try to get through to you in her place!!! She loves you very much and talks of her sweet Rinda often, she actually even has a scrapbook of various pictures over the years of you and the memories that she has shared. I don't know the situation at hand and I am not going to pretend that I do, all I can tell you is whatever is keeping you and your dad and stepmom apart is going to leave emotional scars on all your hearts!!!

Let me explain...I use to alienate my own father...for many many years!!! I did not have contact with him for almost 10 years, he missed out on soo much and I missed out on a father figure and that bond that only a father and daughter can share!!! To this day, we both still blame each other for the separation. It was miscommunication and lies fed to each other from outside sources though, to be honest. I did not become close with him again, until I turned 19 and got married and became pregnant, now we talk almost everyday and I make it a point to go see him on the weekends.

Divorce has devastating effects on a child's mind, body and soul. Those effects linger on years after the pain has "stopped" or been covered up. I was brain washed by my mother and was told absolutely HORRIFIC stories about my dad and vise versa!!! The older I got I was able to weed out the truths and lies and make my own assumptions, just the way you are going to have to do.

I can not stress the importance of family enough to you!!! Family can keep us grounded in tough times and keep the ring of sanity from breaking. Family is the backbone to life and the shoulder we can cry on long after our friends have faded.

There is also another topic that I must stress*** The importance of forgiveness*** This is by far the toughest to accept and I understand that, I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES ! ! ! One day, your father and stepmom will no longer be on this Earth. Time is flying by us sooo fast that we often overlook it's importance!!! One day it will be too late to forgive, to say I love you, and too late to even say goodbye!!!!

Don't let time pass you by Rinda!!! You are loved rather you hear it or realize it, THEY LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!!! You are their baby and always will be !

*** Please find it in your heart to reach out and take the hands that are being stretched out towards you!!! Take notice Rinda, please before it is too late!!!

Have a good day and I wish you and your family all the best in life, happiness and love!!!

Katie G.--22 yrs.old

CAN YOU SPARE A FEW WORDS ? ? ? ?

Can you spare a few words to write a short letter to my stepdaughter Rinda ? Since my words seem to have no meaning to her, I thought that maybe someone else might have a perspective that might be able to reach her heart.

She will be 17 years old next month and has a number of problems at home and at school. She still refuses all contact with her dad and I, despite years of continued attempts.

You don't have to defend her dad & I in any way, maybe you could just give her some insight from your own experiences in life, or others situations dealing with the effects of divorce, or the importance of family or the importance of forgiveness. You can identify yourself or sign your letter with your initials and age to remain anonymous, whichever you prefer.

Anything you can offer will be greatly appreciated and I'll include it on my blog Rindas2mom which is about our sitation with parental alienation. THANK YOU SO MUCH

Are You A Parental Alienator ? ? ? ?

Are You A Parental Alienator ? ? ? ?

1. Have you ever criticized or spoken negatively about the other parent or his/her family or friends in front of your child or where the child could hear you?

2. Have you ever forced your child to choose between loving the other parent and you?

3. Do you talk about child support, money, or legal issues in front of your child?

4. Do you ever limit time with the other parent because you feel that you are the best parent?

5. Do you ask the child to keep secrets, lie or hide things from the other parent?

6. Do you pump your child to get detailed information of where they go and what they do when they are with the other parent?

7. Do you ever prevent the child from speaking with the other parent by blocking phone messages, not returning phone calls, erasing email messages or not giving them mail or gifts?

8. Do you interrupt the child's time with the other parent by calling too much or planning activities during their time with the other parent?

9. Do you deny your child the right to spend designated time with the other parent?

10. Have you ever sabotaged any activity that your child was doing with the other parent?

11. Do you encourage your child to blame the other parent or to choose sides?

12. Do you use your child as a therapist or your special friend to share your deep and upsetting emotions with the child?

13. Do you let your child know that you feel badly when he/she has a good time with the other parent?

14. Do you ask your child to spy for you while with the other parent?

15. Do you make a contest of how much love, care, and attention the child gives to the other parent and his/her family and friends versus how much attention you receive from the child?

16. Do you ever instill guilt, pressure or rejection of the other parent in your child?

17. Have you ever made false accusations, such as implying drug abuse or inappropriate sexual behavior to the police or Department of Child and Family Services?

18. Do you stop your child from expressing his/her feelings (love,happiness,excitement,anger,fear or sadness), whether you agree with them or not?

IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, YOU NEED TO EVALUATE TO WHAT EXTENT YOU ARE ENGAGING IN PARENTAL ALIENATION. CHILDREN NEED TO BE FREE TO LOVE BOTH PARENTS. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE OTHER PARENT OR FEEL THAT THEY ARE INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOUR CHILD, YOU NEED TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITHOUT RESORTING TO DESTROYING THAT CHILD'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER PARENT. YOU CHILD CAN MAKE UP HIS/HER OWN MIND ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY LOVE OR EVEN LIKE THE OTHER PARENT WITHOUT BEING UNDULY INFLUENCED BY YOU. OBSESSED PARENT ALIENATORS WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO DAMAGE OR EVEN SEVERE A CHILD'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER PARENT. THIS IS A SERIOUS FORM OF CHILD ABUSE WHERE A CHILD IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE LOVING FEELINGS FOR THE OTHER PARENT OR HIS/HER EXTENDED FAMILY AND FRIENDS. THESE PEOPLE REPRESENT HALF OF THE CHILD'S HERITAGE. MOST PARENTS SLIP UP ONCE IN A WHILE, HOWEVER, PARENTS WHO REALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN'S BEST INTEREST WILL DO ALL THEY CAN TO KEEP THEIR CHILD OUT OF THE MIDDLE AND ALLOW THEM TO LOVE BOTH PARENTS.

*********THE BEST PARENT IS BOTH PARENTS***************

Now Let The Games Begin...

Now let the games begin....

No this is not a game. This is very serious. This is legally "Our Last Stand" and the beginning of our custody battle for Rinda's sake. In the past we have asked for only the rights that my husband already has according to the law. We only asked for his rights as a father with joint custody to be enforced. Now we are asking for full custody. With Rinda's 17th birthday only a month away, time is of the essence My husband did take a trip to the city last week to interview the "finalist" from our extensive attorney search. He did hire one. Again, all of our hopes are placed in the hands of the this one person to put all resources toward helping our situation and to guide our journey through the often long and winding roads called the Family Court System. Again, we are going to hope for the best. What is different this time is that we MAY HAVE found an attorney that actually cares about what happens to Rinda ( I stress the words, may have). We are still in the honeymoon phase of the process. We've paid the retainer fee and signed a contract. We are "sceptically hopeful" at this point. After all, having some hope is much better than where we've been for so many years. Having some hope is a relief from living in total despair as those of you who have experienced the effects of PA know all too well.