Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Falling Leaves Make Me Cry....
Falling leaves make me cry... Let me explain to you why. In 2006,on this date November 6, I traveled to the city to have lunch with Rinda at her school. It was her freshman year in high school. Much to my surprise I WAS NOT allowed to see her. We'd gone to have lunch with her during elementary school and middle school. It was the only way we'd been able to see her since 4th grade, when Rinda's Mother began denying us visitation.
It had already been a difficult year for our family. In early 2006, Rinda's Grandma Esther (Rinda's Dad's mother) had died without being able to see her granddaughter's beautiful smile for the last several years of her life. Rinda was not allowed to even go to the funeral which was held there locally near Rinda's home. In the middle of 2006, Rinda's Dad's grown daughter's mother died suddenly without warning. It was a terrible tragedy, she was a kind and dedicated mother and loved by all members of both families.
When I took the road trip to have lunch with Rinda, I carried with me a handful of stuff to give her, letters, photos and a souvenir from our trip to Mexico. I went into the school office to sign in and waited to get my visitors pass. The school secretary called me in to explain that neither Rinda's Dad or I was on the approved access list. She explained that she was calling Rinda's Mother to get her permission to allow me to have lunch with Rinda.I remember thinking at the time, "well, the worse thing that could happen was that Rinda's Mother would say no". The secretary said that Rinda's Mother said "They haven't even bothered to see Rinda since 2001". I was shocked to learn that Rinda had kept our school lunch visits a secret from her mom for the past five years. The secretary said she was going to find Rinda. I waited and waited. Eventually she came back & said that she was unable to locate Rinda at the moment and to call back to the school at 1pm.
When I called back the secretary told me that Rinda had declined my visit. My heart broke into a million pieces. She said she told Rinda that her mother said for her to go tell her that she'd been contacted and see IF she still wanted to see me or not. What a mess. I just wanted to have lunch with Rinda and it turned into a fiasco. Unintentionally I'd caused Rinda to be put in the middle again. Trying not to allow Rinda to be put in the middle was something Rinda's Dad and I had made so many sacrifices for her benefit. Why didn't Rinda's Mother just say yes or no instead of putting Rinda on the spot. I couldn't understand it, but back then I didn't understand the tactics of Parental Alienation. I'd seen Rinda at school just five months earlier and she was thrilled to see me. We talked, laughed and took lots of photos.
I drove back out of state. I emailed Rinda & asked for an explanation. She responded by saying she was "really, really sorry" but that's just the way it has to be. She continued to say that she was doing really great without her Dad & I. When I emailed her back, she lost her temper and got mean with me. She said that she didn't need us and she didn't want us in her life. She said IF her Dad & I really cared about her then we would just leave her alone and just live her life, which was like a drowning person saying "If you really care, you'll just let go of my hand and let me drown. It was like what a missing person answering their door when someone has a gun to their head and saying "nothings wrong....I'm just fine....go away!!!!"
It was the first time EVER that Rinda said that she didn't want to see us. If there is a word stronger than devastated....that is what we were.
For the next few weeks I'd sit in front of the window in our spare room, re-reading her emails & watching the leaves fall from the giant oak tree that has stood next to our house for the past 100 years. I examined each of her words, one by one, looking for clues to explain how she could be so cold & cruel. I read all of her emails over and over as I watched those brown, dry, dead leaves fall one by one, day by day, week by week.
Despite my normally upbeat personality and positive attitude, I slowly slipped into a state of depression. I sat in front of that window, crying quietly, with heavy warm tears streaming how my face. I watched those leaves fall day after day until the big oak stood bare of all leaves. Then I watched the wind blow the leaves around the yard thinking that Rinda would not be magically reconnected to us anymore than those leaves would magically reconnect themselves to the old oak. November turned into December and December turned into January 2007.
In January 2007, My Mother died unexpectedly and suddenly my focus was FORCED to redirect to having to deal with the horrendous task left for me, as my mother's first born child and executor of her estate.
Grandma Betty absolutely adored Rinda. Previously they talked on the phone often and made their big plans for their next visit. Grandma Betty handmade clothes, knitted & crocheted for Rinda. They were "thicker than thieves" and it was very hard to tell which one of them was more enchanted with the other. Grandma Betty had been waiting for literally years for her only granddaughter's return to our family. In 46 years of being My Mother's daughter, the only true regret I had was the decision to share the content of Rinda's angry November emails with my mom. When I read them to her...she reacted as though I'd just slapped her in the face AND kicked her in the stomach at the same time.
I do believe that sharing that information shortened her life, that it caused her to lose all hope of the long awaited reunion with Rinda which gave her the single purpose to continue to hang on to life. Within two months, her badly broken heart stopped and she was gone from our lives forever.
Before November 6, 2006, I had always so enjoyed the changing of the seasons....sunny autumn days and seeing the trees change colors.
Now....the sight of the falling leaves always makes me cry...................
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
"A Parent's Creed"
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH CRITICISM, SHE LEARNS TO CONDEMN
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH HOSTILITY, SHE LEARNS TO FIGHT
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH RIDICULE, SHE LEARNS TO BE CRUEL
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH SHAME, SHE LEARNS TO FEEL GUILTY
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH CONFLICT, SHE LEARNS TO BE ANGRY
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH HOPELESSNESS, SHE LEARNS TO QUIT
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH TOLERANCE, SHE LEARNS TO BE KIND
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH ENCOURAGEMENT, SHE LEARNS TO WIN
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH PRAISE, SHE LEARNS TO APPRECIATE
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH FAIRNESS, SHE LEARNS JUSTICE
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH SECURITY, SHE LEARNS TO HAVE FAITH
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH APPROVAL, SHE LEARNS TO LIKE HERSELF
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH ACCEPTANCE AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE,
SHE LEARNS TO GIVE AND RECEIVE LOVE THROUGHOUT HER LIFETIME
AND SHE WILL TEACH OTHERS TO DO SO....
I found this on a wrinkled yellowed newpaper clipping in a box of my mom's papers. It must have been from the 1960's, although it was undated, on the back there was an advertisement for a tire shop selling 4 new tires, balanced, rotated and mounted for a total of $52, so it must have been a long time ago !
I changed the wording from "he learns" to "she learns".
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH HOSTILITY, SHE LEARNS TO FIGHT
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH RIDICULE, SHE LEARNS TO BE CRUEL
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH SHAME, SHE LEARNS TO FEEL GUILTY
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH CONFLICT, SHE LEARNS TO BE ANGRY
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH HOPELESSNESS, SHE LEARNS TO QUIT
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH TOLERANCE, SHE LEARNS TO BE KIND
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH ENCOURAGEMENT, SHE LEARNS TO WIN
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH PRAISE, SHE LEARNS TO APPRECIATE
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH FAIRNESS, SHE LEARNS JUSTICE
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH SECURITY, SHE LEARNS TO HAVE FAITH
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH APPROVAL, SHE LEARNS TO LIKE HERSELF
IF A CHILD LIVES WITH ACCEPTANCE AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE,
SHE LEARNS TO GIVE AND RECEIVE LOVE THROUGHOUT HER LIFETIME
AND SHE WILL TEACH OTHERS TO DO SO....
I found this on a wrinkled yellowed newpaper clipping in a box of my mom's papers. It must have been from the 1960's, although it was undated, on the back there was an advertisement for a tire shop selling 4 new tires, balanced, rotated and mounted for a total of $52, so it must have been a long time ago !
I changed the wording from "he learns" to "she learns".
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Rinda's Baby Blanket
I recently took Rinda's baby blanket out of the cedar chest. Can you believe Rinda's Dad has saved it for all these years. No telling how many times he's moved since then, but he's held on to this piece of his daughter's history.Friday, October 16, 2009
Have I Lost My Mind ?
I turned 49 years old the other day. Even though Rinda typically ignores my text messages I decided to text her. After all what did I have to lose, it was my birthday and maybe just maybe she would take that in consideration and actually say HELLO or HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I sent the following text to Rinda:
"Rinda...Today is my 49th birthday & my 9th birthday without you. Will you grant my wish and say something nice to me? Love you still & miss you always
This was her response:
"No, because it's not true. How can I miss much less love someone who is trying to take me away from my mother, my home, my friends, my school, the place that I love and grew up in?
Have you lost your damn mind?
Feeling like I'd been kicked in the stomach, like most of her messages make me feel, I was determined to answer her back. So after a couple of minutes I sent her the following text:
"I haven't lost my mind yet but you have broken my heart AGAIN, but I forgive you. Someday you will learn the power of forgiveness (Maybe before it's too late?) Thank you for your kind words for my birthday. I know you have a good heart.
I love you still"
I'll answer the very important question of "Have I Lost My Mind ? " in a future blog post.
I sent the following text to Rinda:
"Rinda...Today is my 49th birthday & my 9th birthday without you. Will you grant my wish and say something nice to me? Love you still & miss you always
This was her response:
"No, because it's not true. How can I miss much less love someone who is trying to take me away from my mother, my home, my friends, my school, the place that I love and grew up in?
Have you lost your damn mind?
Feeling like I'd been kicked in the stomach, like most of her messages make me feel, I was determined to answer her back. So after a couple of minutes I sent her the following text:
"I haven't lost my mind yet but you have broken my heart AGAIN, but I forgive you. Someday you will learn the power of forgiveness (Maybe before it's too late?) Thank you for your kind words for my birthday. I know you have a good heart.
I love you still"
I'll answer the very important question of "Have I Lost My Mind ? " in a future blog post.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Not Looking For A Fight
I'm not looking for a fight. Basically I'm a very peace loving person. My blog post yesterday titled "A Rose By Any Other Name" was a spontaneous response to reading some else's blog.
I proposed a challenge to those that do not believe parental alienation exist. My challenge stated "If you doubt that Parental Alienation exists, then send your child to live with your worst enemy, who will not allow you contact with your child and SEE if they are able to teach your child to hate you enough to disown you"
I'd like to clarify that I do not consider Rinda's Mother as our worst enemy, even though she has treated us that way. I have tried to contact her. In January 2008, I called, emailed and asked for the opportunity to speak with her. I was asking for HER PERMISSION to be able to contact Rinda while I was in the city. Needless to say, she refused to answer my phone calls and my emails went unanswered. Before leaving the city, as a last ditch effort, I went to Rinda's Mother's office in hope of speaking with her. I wanted her to know that I would do anything in my power to help her and that I am willing to assist in ANYTHING that would be beneficial to Rinda. I was willing to cooperate with anything if that would help the situation. As a matter of a fact, I was (am still am) willing to go on national television and get on my knees to beg her for mercy on Rinda's behalf. I wanted to tell her that Rinda's Dad and I are willing to START ALL OVER, ask for her forgiveness of all past issues for whatever percieved wrongs she believes us to be guilty of and that if being wrong would fix the problem that we would be willing to declare being the most wrong people in history.
While I went on a mission of mercy, I was not shown mercy. When I went to her office, she refused to see me. I left a note asking to be allowed to see Rinda even for 5 minutes. I left the city without making any progress.
We've never been looking for a fight....We have honored Rinda's Mother for the simple fact that she is and will always be Rinda's Mother. We NEVER spoke against Rinda's Mother in Rinda's presence. As a matter of fact, we defended Rinda's Mother and made excuses for her short-comings back when Rinda was a little girl. We always said, what will we tell Rinda, what will be our answer when she demands to know what happened to our family to make us end up in such a mess. The only answer, I could come up with was the reason we didn't tell her the truth, that her mother was using her as a weapon against us was: "You were just a little girl, who loved her mommy, daddy and 2nd mom and we loved you too much to tell you the cold hard facts of the ugly truth. I remember how distressed she would become, when she was aware that her mother disapproved of Rinda's Dad and I. She was only 7 years old and I'd tell her....Don't worry about adult stuff, because grown ups are silly, especially divorced grown ups with little kids.
When we learned of the term PARENTAL ALIENATION, it was like a light bulb went on over our heads. It was like having a disease for 6 years and finally getting the diagnosis which labeled our illness, which gave it a name....All the pieces fit....it sounded like we wrote the article ourselves, describing the illness and the symptoms to a tee. So whatever label they want to put on it, Parental Alienation or some other name.....but it is what it is.....When one parent actively teaches a child to reject their other parent solely based on their own anger and pain without consideration for the well being of their own child....call it what you want,but, it is WRONG ! ! ! !
As the saying goes....A Rose By Any Other Name....(is still a rose) would smell as sweet.
I proposed a challenge to those that do not believe parental alienation exist. My challenge stated "If you doubt that Parental Alienation exists, then send your child to live with your worst enemy, who will not allow you contact with your child and SEE if they are able to teach your child to hate you enough to disown you"
I'd like to clarify that I do not consider Rinda's Mother as our worst enemy, even though she has treated us that way. I have tried to contact her. In January 2008, I called, emailed and asked for the opportunity to speak with her. I was asking for HER PERMISSION to be able to contact Rinda while I was in the city. Needless to say, she refused to answer my phone calls and my emails went unanswered. Before leaving the city, as a last ditch effort, I went to Rinda's Mother's office in hope of speaking with her. I wanted her to know that I would do anything in my power to help her and that I am willing to assist in ANYTHING that would be beneficial to Rinda. I was willing to cooperate with anything if that would help the situation. As a matter of a fact, I was (am still am) willing to go on national television and get on my knees to beg her for mercy on Rinda's behalf. I wanted to tell her that Rinda's Dad and I are willing to START ALL OVER, ask for her forgiveness of all past issues for whatever percieved wrongs she believes us to be guilty of and that if being wrong would fix the problem that we would be willing to declare being the most wrong people in history.
While I went on a mission of mercy, I was not shown mercy. When I went to her office, she refused to see me. I left a note asking to be allowed to see Rinda even for 5 minutes. I left the city without making any progress.
We've never been looking for a fight....We have honored Rinda's Mother for the simple fact that she is and will always be Rinda's Mother. We NEVER spoke against Rinda's Mother in Rinda's presence. As a matter of fact, we defended Rinda's Mother and made excuses for her short-comings back when Rinda was a little girl. We always said, what will we tell Rinda, what will be our answer when she demands to know what happened to our family to make us end up in such a mess. The only answer, I could come up with was the reason we didn't tell her the truth, that her mother was using her as a weapon against us was: "You were just a little girl, who loved her mommy, daddy and 2nd mom and we loved you too much to tell you the cold hard facts of the ugly truth. I remember how distressed she would become, when she was aware that her mother disapproved of Rinda's Dad and I. She was only 7 years old and I'd tell her....Don't worry about adult stuff, because grown ups are silly, especially divorced grown ups with little kids.
When we learned of the term PARENTAL ALIENATION, it was like a light bulb went on over our heads. It was like having a disease for 6 years and finally getting the diagnosis which labeled our illness, which gave it a name....All the pieces fit....it sounded like we wrote the article ourselves, describing the illness and the symptoms to a tee. So whatever label they want to put on it, Parental Alienation or some other name.....but it is what it is.....When one parent actively teaches a child to reject their other parent solely based on their own anger and pain without consideration for the well being of their own child....call it what you want,but, it is WRONG ! ! ! !
As the saying goes....A Rose By Any Other Name....(is still a rose) would smell as sweet.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
A Rose By Any Other Name...
I stumbled across this blog titled Parental Alienation Witch Hunt quite by accident. It was an eye opening experience. I thought I would share it with my readers to see what your reaction is to the claims that the whole concept of Parental Alienation is just a, quote, "custody racket".
You can read it and make your own conclusion:Parental Alienation Witch Hunt: Action: Tell Your Governors To REJECT Declaration of Parental Alienation Awareness Day You can add whatever comments that you think are appropriate.
I do understand that the use of the term parental alienation could and most likely has been used in a manner that would not be appropriate. People have a way of taking something completely benign and turning it all around to misuse it for their own purposes despite the facts.
When an abusive parents uses the issue of Parental Alienation to gain access to a child, that is a terrible, terrible situation. Any caring human being would not support that. The laws and justice system have been and always will be manipulated by people with their own agendas.
I propose this challenge:
If you doubt the existence of parental alienation, then send your child to live with your worst enemy, who will prevent all contact between you and your child and see IF over time your child can be taught to hate you enough to disown you.
I've heard that Lady Justice is blind.....what a shame that she's apparently lost her ability to hear the suffering of the children and lost her ability to use common sense to help bring suffering children back into the arms of the parents who will REALLY do understand the definition of "In The Best Interest Of The Child"
You can read it and make your own conclusion:Parental Alienation Witch Hunt: Action: Tell Your Governors To REJECT Declaration of Parental Alienation Awareness Day You can add whatever comments that you think are appropriate.
I do understand that the use of the term parental alienation could and most likely has been used in a manner that would not be appropriate. People have a way of taking something completely benign and turning it all around to misuse it for their own purposes despite the facts.
When an abusive parents uses the issue of Parental Alienation to gain access to a child, that is a terrible, terrible situation. Any caring human being would not support that. The laws and justice system have been and always will be manipulated by people with their own agendas.
I propose this challenge:
If you doubt the existence of parental alienation, then send your child to live with your worst enemy, who will prevent all contact between you and your child and see IF over time your child can be taught to hate you enough to disown you.
I've heard that Lady Justice is blind.....what a shame that she's apparently lost her ability to hear the suffering of the children and lost her ability to use common sense to help bring suffering children back into the arms of the parents who will REALLY do understand the definition of "In The Best Interest Of The Child"
Friday, September 25, 2009
Still Waiting...Hoping and Praying
We are still waiting....hoping and praying. Since the social study was ordered several month ago we have been anxious to "go through the process". When the date for our home visit was scheduled we were counting the days. SEPTEMBER 10, 2009, oh how we anticipated that date.
Well, a few weeks before that much anticipated date we received a telephone call from A.C. (our assigned social worker) to inform us that she would not be keeping that appointment.
WHY, you might ask? She said that she did not want to waste our money, since we had to pay additional money (beyond the fees already paid for the social study) for her expenses including fuel and hotel cost. We knew that she'd already warned us that it might not go in our favor and we wanted to continue the process anyway. Time is not on our side (8 months and 14 days left until Rinda's 18th birthday) and we are desperate to do anything that will be beneficial to Rinda's life and future.
According to the social worker who has already interviewed Rinda's Dad and Rinda's Mother, Rinda is an angry 17 year old and does not want any contact with her father and I. This is not new information, we already knew that. A.C. said that us filing petitions in court has only made Rinda even more mad that she already was.
We have heard from several sources about what an angry person Rinda has become, even for years before we actively began to legally intervene. The obvious question is WHY IS RINDA SUCH AN ANGRY YOUNG WOMAN ? ? ? ?
Does anyone ever question where all that anger comes from ? I'm not an expert, nor I do have a degree in psychology but I DO understand Rinda's anger. ANGER COMES FROM PAIN ! ! ! !
Rinda has plenty of reasons to be angry. Her heart has been held hostage since she was nine years old. Her childhood has been hijacked. One of the most valuable things in her life was taken from her against her will - her dad and all the love, understanding and support that he provided for her life since she was born. Rinda has reason to be angry - her needs have not been met. While she lives in a nice home, in a nice neighborhood and has plenty of material things, Rinda lives in poverty.....emotional poverty.
I have not been given the opportunity to interview yet (that was supposed to happen when A.C. made the home visit), but I have sent a letter to A.C. requesting the opportunity to interview with her in her office at the time and date of her choice.
So far, I haven't received a response to my letter, but I'm still waiting and hoping and praying that I will be allowed to speak with the person that holds Rinda's future in her hands. I've been in this family for ten years. I know Rinda's heart and I know that the investigation into her life will not be complete until all of her "parents" have been interviewed.
It's been a month, but I'm still waiting....hoping and praying.
Well, a few weeks before that much anticipated date we received a telephone call from A.C. (our assigned social worker) to inform us that she would not be keeping that appointment.
WHY, you might ask? She said that she did not want to waste our money, since we had to pay additional money (beyond the fees already paid for the social study) for her expenses including fuel and hotel cost. We knew that she'd already warned us that it might not go in our favor and we wanted to continue the process anyway. Time is not on our side (8 months and 14 days left until Rinda's 18th birthday) and we are desperate to do anything that will be beneficial to Rinda's life and future.
According to the social worker who has already interviewed Rinda's Dad and Rinda's Mother, Rinda is an angry 17 year old and does not want any contact with her father and I. This is not new information, we already knew that. A.C. said that us filing petitions in court has only made Rinda even more mad that she already was.
We have heard from several sources about what an angry person Rinda has become, even for years before we actively began to legally intervene. The obvious question is WHY IS RINDA SUCH AN ANGRY YOUNG WOMAN ? ? ? ?
Does anyone ever question where all that anger comes from ? I'm not an expert, nor I do have a degree in psychology but I DO understand Rinda's anger. ANGER COMES FROM PAIN ! ! ! !
Rinda has plenty of reasons to be angry. Her heart has been held hostage since she was nine years old. Her childhood has been hijacked. One of the most valuable things in her life was taken from her against her will - her dad and all the love, understanding and support that he provided for her life since she was born. Rinda has reason to be angry - her needs have not been met. While she lives in a nice home, in a nice neighborhood and has plenty of material things, Rinda lives in poverty.....emotional poverty.
I have not been given the opportunity to interview yet (that was supposed to happen when A.C. made the home visit), but I have sent a letter to A.C. requesting the opportunity to interview with her in her office at the time and date of her choice.
So far, I haven't received a response to my letter, but I'm still waiting and hoping and praying that I will be allowed to speak with the person that holds Rinda's future in her hands. I've been in this family for ten years. I know Rinda's heart and I know that the investigation into her life will not be complete until all of her "parents" have been interviewed.
It's been a month, but I'm still waiting....hoping and praying.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Letter To Rinda From Bianca M.
Dear Rinda,
I know it's funny that I'm writing to you cause you don't know me but I know alot about you. Rinda you are someone very very special to my aunt and uncle. I am writing this letter to you to try to get you to understand how lucky you are to have two great people that love you soooo much. You should try to understand what side they are coming from. They love you so much. All you hear is Rinda this or Rinda that. They miss you soooo much, Rinda give them a chance. If you give them a chance you will not regret it. When I look into my aunt's eyes when she talks about you, it's love that I see in her eyes.
I NEVER KNEW THAT SOMEONE COULD HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T EVEN LOVE THEM BACK.
The whole point of this letter is to let you know that they just want the best for you and they love you. Rinda, don't be blind, open your eyes and see what's going on in your life. I am not trying to preach to you, I was your age not very long ago, and I just wish I could go back in time, but guess what - you can't. You only have one life.
Just please try to give them a chance, please try. They are one of a kind. you won't feel bad that you did, I promise. I keep my word,. One day I am going to meet you and you're gonna thank me if you give them that chance and they can show you how much they love you. I wish I had such great parents like them. Well, I hope you know that they are always there with open arms for you, so it's all up to you sweetheart.
Sweetie, don't grow up so fast, take it easy. There is always time to have fun. Right now you should just focus on school and learn to be someone really great in life. Just go with the flow, one step at a time.
Well honey, don't forget these words. They love you so much, so don't let a chance go by and lose the chance to be a part of their lives. You only live once. Well, hope to meet you soon.
God Bless You, Bianca M. (age 21)
P.S. Take Care Rinda
I know it's funny that I'm writing to you cause you don't know me but I know alot about you. Rinda you are someone very very special to my aunt and uncle. I am writing this letter to you to try to get you to understand how lucky you are to have two great people that love you soooo much. You should try to understand what side they are coming from. They love you so much. All you hear is Rinda this or Rinda that. They miss you soooo much, Rinda give them a chance. If you give them a chance you will not regret it. When I look into my aunt's eyes when she talks about you, it's love that I see in her eyes.
I NEVER KNEW THAT SOMEONE COULD HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T EVEN LOVE THEM BACK.
The whole point of this letter is to let you know that they just want the best for you and they love you. Rinda, don't be blind, open your eyes and see what's going on in your life. I am not trying to preach to you, I was your age not very long ago, and I just wish I could go back in time, but guess what - you can't. You only have one life.
Just please try to give them a chance, please try. They are one of a kind. you won't feel bad that you did, I promise. I keep my word,. One day I am going to meet you and you're gonna thank me if you give them that chance and they can show you how much they love you. I wish I had such great parents like them. Well, I hope you know that they are always there with open arms for you, so it's all up to you sweetheart.
Sweetie, don't grow up so fast, take it easy. There is always time to have fun. Right now you should just focus on school and learn to be someone really great in life. Just go with the flow, one step at a time.
Well honey, don't forget these words. They love you so much, so don't let a chance go by and lose the chance to be a part of their lives. You only live once. Well, hope to meet you soon.
God Bless You, Bianca M. (age 21)
P.S. Take Care Rinda
Friday, July 31, 2009
Looking Back
Looking back is something that WE TRY NOT TO DO. It's hard, but WE TRY to focus on the issue at hand. We try to look toward to the future with hope and anticipation. It's just too hard to look back. Looking back to how Rinda "used to be" is so painful. Rinda was a delightful child. She was very cooperative and eager to please. She had such a pleasing personality and a kind heart. Rinda never had a problem with anyone (except her #1 Mom). Her soul was pure and undamaged. Rinda had dreams for her life without limitations. Her magical eyes saw the world with such a clear vision without the biased views of "adult issues". Back then Rinda loved, trusted and respected her Dad and I. Back then, she had all she needed to be able to thrive and grow as a person. Back then, she was self assured and confident. Back then, she knew that whatever happened that she had the security and support of her family. She was a little girl with big dreams. Rinda had every opportunity to reach those goals. Rinda's Dad could not ever have prepared her for what was to happen to her life as "parental alienation" hijacked our family. What was taken from her can not be restored. The path that she had been on took such a destructive detour which nobody could have predicted. Rinda's Dad and I are not the same people that we would have been had we not been through this ordeal, so how could we ever hope that she would be the same person as before this traumatic experience.
We can't afford to look back, we've lost too much. There has been too much damage done. Looking back is too painful. In the above photo, Rinda's shell necklace is hanging from the rear view mirror. Rinda's Dad has left her necklace hanging from the rear view mirror in his truck for the past 8 years. He still has one of Rinda's "beanie baby" stuffed animals on the console.
On August 4, 2009, Rinda's Dad will attend the two hour interview with the social worker for a social study regarding our custody case. After his interview, the social worker is supposed to start the social study which will include traveling out of state to our home. I will be interviewed when she comes to our house. We are so looking forward to this process. It will be the first time that we will have the opportunity to address the important issues regarding Rinda with someone who may actually have the authority to do something about it.
Although Rinda will turn 18 years old in 10 months and 14 days, we believe that this intervention will be in her best interest. Time is not on our side but if she gets some of the things she needs to start her adult life, then maybe, the pain and suffering of spending so many years living in the darkness of parental alienation can be healed. Maybe looking forward instead of looking back, with the security of our love and support will be able to restore Rindas dreams for a bright and shiny future. Maybe ?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Another Father's Day Without Rinda !
Another Father's Day without Rinda. We've now "survived" nine Father's Days without our little girl who isn't so little anymore. She turned 17 a few weeks ago. It breaks my heart to know that she's been essentially "fatherless" for all this time, especially because all the damage done to her life has been so unnecessary. It breaks my heart to see Rinda's Dad go through this year after year. We are still waiting for the wheels of justice to start rolling. It's been over three weeks and we are still waiting for Rinda's Mom to turn in her paperwork for the social study. Have you ever heard of someone in a hurry to have social workers investigate their lives ? WE ARE !!!!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Happy 17th Birthday Rinda
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY
TO YOU RINDA
WE LOVE YOU
WE MISS YOU
AND WE WILL
SEE YOU SOON...
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Deja Vu ?
Deja Vu ? Again?
Are we back where we were in 2005, the last time we tried to battle the demons of parental alienation in a court of law?
Hopefully not.
Rinda's Dad went to court on Monday June 1st. Rinda's #1Mom was there too. However her attorney didn't want to go up in front of the judge. Instead they offered to agree to our petition to assign a social worker to do a social study, which we wanted. Rinda's Dad went through the process and was given an appointment for Wednesday June 3rd for orientation.
Rinda's Dad went to the orientation and provided them with his proof of income, however Rinda's #1Mom DID NOT ATTEND.....
this is where we got stuck in the system last time. In 2005 after being ordered to access facilitation, Rinda's Dad did his part but was not allowed to proceed due to the fact that Rinda's #1Mom refused to attend. But this time our attorney is on the ball, S.W. sent the opposing counsel a letter stating that Rinda's #1Mom must attend next Wednesday or that the matter will be reset before Judge B.
Sooooo, we are trying to be patient to see what happens next...
Are we back where we were in 2005, the last time we tried to battle the demons of parental alienation in a court of law?
Hopefully not.
Rinda's Dad went to court on Monday June 1st. Rinda's #1Mom was there too. However her attorney didn't want to go up in front of the judge. Instead they offered to agree to our petition to assign a social worker to do a social study, which we wanted. Rinda's Dad went through the process and was given an appointment for Wednesday June 3rd for orientation.
Rinda's Dad went to the orientation and provided them with his proof of income, however Rinda's #1Mom DID NOT ATTEND.....
this is where we got stuck in the system last time. In 2005 after being ordered to access facilitation, Rinda's Dad did his part but was not allowed to proceed due to the fact that Rinda's #1Mom refused to attend. But this time our attorney is on the ball, S.W. sent the opposing counsel a letter stating that Rinda's #1Mom must attend next Wednesday or that the matter will be reset before Judge B.
Sooooo, we are trying to be patient to see what happens next...
Friday, May 15, 2009
Paper Treasures
Some people might not consider paper to be treasure. I strongly disagree. After my mom's death in 2007, to me, the most important thing in her house was her paperwork. There are so many treasures hidden away in the papers left behind. I call them Paper Treasures. I'm going to share some Paper Treasure with you from my husband's calendar book from 1992. When we came across this treasure in some boxes recently, I was really touched by some of the notes that Rinda's Dad wrote way back then. His notations are in his own handwriting. Typically, it's the mom that writes such things but he was always a very devoted dad. Until she was taken from us Rinda's Dad WAS the psychological parent. He was the one that took her everywhere he went. He fed her, bathed her and changed her diapers. Later, he was the dad who disciplined her, taught her right from wrong, did homework with her, took her to the library and played games with her. He took his role as her dad very seriously. Here are some of the entries:May 14, 1992 - Baby Shower
June 9, 1992 - Rinda was born
June 12, 1992 - Baby Due (so, Rinda arrived early)
August 21, 1992 - Rinda is very observant. She turns her head at will,
at moving objects or a noises. She has been doing this
for the past several days
August 24, 1992 - Rinda has been in good moods when she gets up in the
mornings. She awes and goo's. She smiles alot before she
is ready to eat
August 25, 1992 - Rinda is learning to use her hands. She is able to hold an
object for a few seconds. Rinda is sleeping for 8-11 hours
at night. TODAY IS HER 11 WEEK BIRTHDAY ! ! ! !
August 27, 1992 - Rinda tries to take or touch objects by herself. She "talks"
in between her feedings, then she gets a little fussy. She
has a great smile, like her Daddy. Her hair is still a amber
color
Sept.3, 1992 - Rinda is able to balance her head pretty good but not
fully yet
Sept.9, 1992 - Rinda is starting to learn to use her eye/hand coordination.
She makes alot of baby sounds. She is trying to talk like
Mommy and Daddy
Sept.11, 1992 - Rinda went for her shots today but she wasn't very excited
about the visit. We are taking good care of Rinda but her
fever has been in the range of 100.4 to 101 degrees
Sept.14, 1992 - Rinda is very alert. She observes everything that we do.
She can pick up on sound very good. Rinda's favorite
color is red
Sept.29, 1992 - Rinda has been sick for the past several days. She has been
on medications and nose drops
Sept.30, 1992 - Rinda is feeling much better. She is able to sleep in a normal
position now. She is getting back to her normal routine
Oct. 2, 1992 - June Bug (Rinda) uses both of her hands now, picking up
her favorite toy at will. She is able to hold them for awhile.
June Bug is always on watch. She is very active
Dec. 3, 1992 - June Bug is able to push herself from a lying position to sit up
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The Delay Game
Here we are just days away from the Monday, May 18, 2009 court date and already we are being given the run around. At least this time it doesn't appear to be the Family Court System or our attorney that is the problem (yet). The opposing counsel, the attorney for the A.P. (alienating parent), at the last minute, has requested a delay.
Now the new court date has been set for Monday, June 1, 2009. Yes, we are frustrated and disappointed that, again, we must wait. By the time that date rolls around, we will have had more time to worry and stress out over the whole issue. On June 1, Rinda will be only 8 days away from turning 17 years old. Our summer visitation is supposed to be on June 6, 2009. Another birthday that we will miss. Another summer visitation that will be denied.
As always, we are united and we are determined. After all, that we have been through already, I guess we shouldn't fret too much over having to wait an additional two weeks to have the initial court hearing. In the parental alienation game, patience and tenacity are our only true allies.
Now the new court date has been set for Monday, June 1, 2009. Yes, we are frustrated and disappointed that, again, we must wait. By the time that date rolls around, we will have had more time to worry and stress out over the whole issue. On June 1, Rinda will be only 8 days away from turning 17 years old. Our summer visitation is supposed to be on June 6, 2009. Another birthday that we will miss. Another summer visitation that will be denied.
As always, we are united and we are determined. After all, that we have been through already, I guess we shouldn't fret too much over having to wait an additional two weeks to have the initial court hearing. In the parental alienation game, patience and tenacity are our only true allies.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
A Letter To Rinda From Rindas2mom
Rinda,
You emailed yesterday and asked me why your Dad filed for full custody and is going to court next Monday ? I could give you the long answer as I did in the 8 page, single spaced, typed letter that I wrote to you back in 2007, but instead I'll give you the short answer: BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU....and because he is still your Dad. And as your Dad, it is still his responsibility to guide your life in a positive direction
You keep reminding us that you'll be turning 17 years old in June. Yes, my love, we know your birthday all too well. It is 26 days, 13hours and 58 minutes from this moment. When you were taken from us in May 2001 (just a couple of weeks before your 9th birthday) until now has been TWO THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND 10 DAYS (2,910 days), 10 HOURS, 3 MINUTES AND 17 SECONDS. That my dear is a very long time.
By the way, for your 9th birthday, we had already gotten your Hamster Habitat, that you'd been wanting so badly. We still have it, stored away in the attic at the cabin. Thank goodness, that we didn't go ahead and buy the hamsters in advance or we'd have been taking care of them for all these years as we have had to do with your bunny rabbit. By the way,sorry to tell you but Wuzzy died a few years ago and we buried her in our pet cemetery here at our place.
Yes, my sweetie, we have recognized and honored your birthday year after year for the past eight birthdays. Some years, I'd bake your favorite Dark Chocolate Fudge Cake. But every one of those birthdays we commemorated your special day without you. And most likely, we will continue to be separated for this next birthday as well.
Seventeen.....it certainly does have a special ring to it doesn't it. What a beautiful young woman you've grown up to be. Even though as far as you are concerned, we aren't your parents and we have no value to you, still, we love you so much and no matter what, we will never give up on you ! ! ! !
You emailed yesterday and asked me why your Dad filed for full custody and is going to court next Monday ? I could give you the long answer as I did in the 8 page, single spaced, typed letter that I wrote to you back in 2007, but instead I'll give you the short answer: BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU....and because he is still your Dad. And as your Dad, it is still his responsibility to guide your life in a positive direction
You keep reminding us that you'll be turning 17 years old in June. Yes, my love, we know your birthday all too well. It is 26 days, 13hours and 58 minutes from this moment. When you were taken from us in May 2001 (just a couple of weeks before your 9th birthday) until now has been TWO THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND 10 DAYS (2,910 days), 10 HOURS, 3 MINUTES AND 17 SECONDS. That my dear is a very long time.
By the way, for your 9th birthday, we had already gotten your Hamster Habitat, that you'd been wanting so badly. We still have it, stored away in the attic at the cabin. Thank goodness, that we didn't go ahead and buy the hamsters in advance or we'd have been taking care of them for all these years as we have had to do with your bunny rabbit. By the way,sorry to tell you but Wuzzy died a few years ago and we buried her in our pet cemetery here at our place.
Yes, my sweetie, we have recognized and honored your birthday year after year for the past eight birthdays. Some years, I'd bake your favorite Dark Chocolate Fudge Cake. But every one of those birthdays we commemorated your special day without you. And most likely, we will continue to be separated for this next birthday as well.
Seventeen.....it certainly does have a special ring to it doesn't it. What a beautiful young woman you've grown up to be. Even though as far as you are concerned, we aren't your parents and we have no value to you, still, we love you so much and no matter what, we will never give up on you ! ! ! !
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
A Letter to Rinda From Kristen H.
Family are the most important people in your life.
When you have times where you have stooped so low that you dont love yourself YOUR family still loves you.
When that one and only breaks your heart into a million pieces YOUR family is there to glue the pieces back together.
When you fail that test that you needed to pass YOUR family is there to lift your spirits.
No one can (or should) come between you and your family.
Kristen H. - 21 years old
When you have times where you have stooped so low that you dont love yourself YOUR family still loves you.
When that one and only breaks your heart into a million pieces YOUR family is there to glue the pieces back together.
When you fail that test that you needed to pass YOUR family is there to lift your spirits.
No one can (or should) come between you and your family.
Kristen H. - 21 years old
Monday, May 11, 2009
A Letter to Rinda From Molly G.
Rinda is such a lucky young girl!
She doesn't understand that love is going to be there regardless of who she wants to love her.
She's lucky to have a "REAL" father that loves her unlike me who had to find another father figure to love me.
And that's not cool to just shove the people that love you away.
Most kids don't get that !
Molly G.- 17 years old
She doesn't understand that love is going to be there regardless of who she wants to love her.
She's lucky to have a "REAL" father that loves her unlike me who had to find another father figure to love me.
And that's not cool to just shove the people that love you away.
Most kids don't get that !
Molly G.- 17 years old
Friday, May 8, 2009
A Letter To Rinda From Katie G....
Hello Rinda, My name is Katie and I know your stepmom L. I actually call her Aunt L. because she is like family to me!!!
I am NOT here to save her or defend her put her on a pedastal...I am actually here to try to get through to you in her place!!! She loves you very much and talks of her sweet Rinda often, she actually even has a scrapbook of various pictures over the years of you and the memories that she has shared. I don't know the situation at hand and I am not going to pretend that I do, all I can tell you is whatever is keeping you and your dad and stepmom apart is going to leave emotional scars on all your hearts!!!
Let me explain...I use to alienate my own father...for many many years!!! I did not have contact with him for almost 10 years, he missed out on soo much and I missed out on a father figure and that bond that only a father and daughter can share!!! To this day, we both still blame each other for the separation. It was miscommunication and lies fed to each other from outside sources though, to be honest. I did not become close with him again, until I turned 19 and got married and became pregnant, now we talk almost everyday and I make it a point to go see him on the weekends.
Divorce has devastating effects on a child's mind, body and soul. Those effects linger on years after the pain has "stopped" or been covered up. I was brain washed by my mother and was told absolutely HORRIFIC stories about my dad and vise versa!!! The older I got I was able to weed out the truths and lies and make my own assumptions, just the way you are going to have to do.
I can not stress the importance of family enough to you!!! Family can keep us grounded in tough times and keep the ring of sanity from breaking. Family is the backbone to life and the shoulder we can cry on long after our friends have faded.
There is also another topic that I must stress*** The importance of forgiveness*** This is by far the toughest to accept and I understand that, I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES ! ! ! One day, your father and stepmom will no longer be on this Earth. Time is flying by us sooo fast that we often overlook it's importance!!! One day it will be too late to forgive, to say I love you, and too late to even say goodbye!!!!
Don't let time pass you by Rinda!!! You are loved rather you hear it or realize it, THEY LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!!! You are their baby and always will be !
*** Please find it in your heart to reach out and take the hands that are being stretched out towards you!!! Take notice Rinda, please before it is too late!!!
Have a good day and I wish you and your family all the best in life, happiness and love!!!
Katie G.--22 yrs.old
I am NOT here to save her or defend her put her on a pedastal...I am actually here to try to get through to you in her place!!! She loves you very much and talks of her sweet Rinda often, she actually even has a scrapbook of various pictures over the years of you and the memories that she has shared. I don't know the situation at hand and I am not going to pretend that I do, all I can tell you is whatever is keeping you and your dad and stepmom apart is going to leave emotional scars on all your hearts!!!
Let me explain...I use to alienate my own father...for many many years!!! I did not have contact with him for almost 10 years, he missed out on soo much and I missed out on a father figure and that bond that only a father and daughter can share!!! To this day, we both still blame each other for the separation. It was miscommunication and lies fed to each other from outside sources though, to be honest. I did not become close with him again, until I turned 19 and got married and became pregnant, now we talk almost everyday and I make it a point to go see him on the weekends.
Divorce has devastating effects on a child's mind, body and soul. Those effects linger on years after the pain has "stopped" or been covered up. I was brain washed by my mother and was told absolutely HORRIFIC stories about my dad and vise versa!!! The older I got I was able to weed out the truths and lies and make my own assumptions, just the way you are going to have to do.
I can not stress the importance of family enough to you!!! Family can keep us grounded in tough times and keep the ring of sanity from breaking. Family is the backbone to life and the shoulder we can cry on long after our friends have faded.
There is also another topic that I must stress*** The importance of forgiveness*** This is by far the toughest to accept and I understand that, I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES ! ! ! One day, your father and stepmom will no longer be on this Earth. Time is flying by us sooo fast that we often overlook it's importance!!! One day it will be too late to forgive, to say I love you, and too late to even say goodbye!!!!
Don't let time pass you by Rinda!!! You are loved rather you hear it or realize it, THEY LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!!! You are their baby and always will be !
*** Please find it in your heart to reach out and take the hands that are being stretched out towards you!!! Take notice Rinda, please before it is too late!!!
Have a good day and I wish you and your family all the best in life, happiness and love!!!
Katie G.--22 yrs.old
Thursday, May 7, 2009
CAN YOU SPARE A FEW WORDS ? ? ? ?
Can you spare a few words to write a short letter to my stepdaughter Rinda ? Since my words seem to have no meaning to her, I thought that maybe someone else might have a perspective that might be able to reach her heart.
She will be 17 years old next month and has a number of problems at home and at school. She still refuses all contact with her dad and I, despite years of continued attempts.
You don't have to defend her dad & I in any way, maybe you could just give her some insight from your own experiences in life, or others situations dealing with the effects of divorce, or the importance of family or the importance of forgiveness. You can identify yourself or sign your letter with your initials and age to remain anonymous, whichever you prefer.
Anything you can offer will be greatly appreciated and I'll include it on my blog Rindas2mom which is about our sitation with parental alienation. THANK YOU SO MUCH
She will be 17 years old next month and has a number of problems at home and at school. She still refuses all contact with her dad and I, despite years of continued attempts.
You don't have to defend her dad & I in any way, maybe you could just give her some insight from your own experiences in life, or others situations dealing with the effects of divorce, or the importance of family or the importance of forgiveness. You can identify yourself or sign your letter with your initials and age to remain anonymous, whichever you prefer.
Anything you can offer will be greatly appreciated and I'll include it on my blog Rindas2mom which is about our sitation with parental alienation. THANK YOU SO MUCH
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Are You A Parental Alienator ? ? ? ?
Are You A Parental Alienator ? ? ? ?
1. Have you ever criticized or spoken negatively about the other parent or his/her family or friends in front of your child or where the child could hear you?
2. Have you ever forced your child to choose between loving the other parent and you?
3. Do you talk about child support, money, or legal issues in front of your child?
4. Do you ever limit time with the other parent because you feel that you are the best parent?
5. Do you ask the child to keep secrets, lie or hide things from the other parent?
6. Do you pump your child to get detailed information of where they go and what they do when they are with the other parent?
7. Do you ever prevent the child from speaking with the other parent by blocking phone messages, not returning phone calls, erasing email messages or not giving them mail or gifts?
8. Do you interrupt the child's time with the other parent by calling too much or planning activities during their time with the other parent?
9. Do you deny your child the right to spend designated time with the other parent?
10. Have you ever sabotaged any activity that your child was doing with the other parent?
11. Do you encourage your child to blame the other parent or to choose sides?
12. Do you use your child as a therapist or your special friend to share your deep and upsetting emotions with the child?
13. Do you let your child know that you feel badly when he/she has a good time with the other parent?
14. Do you ask your child to spy for you while with the other parent?
15. Do you make a contest of how much love, care, and attention the child gives to the other parent and his/her family and friends versus how much attention you receive from the child?
16. Do you ever instill guilt, pressure or rejection of the other parent in your child?
17. Have you ever made false accusations, such as implying drug abuse or inappropriate sexual behavior to the police or Department of Child and Family Services?
18. Do you stop your child from expressing his/her feelings (love,happiness,excitement,anger,fear or sadness), whether you agree with them or not?
IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, YOU NEED TO EVALUATE TO WHAT EXTENT YOU ARE ENGAGING IN PARENTAL ALIENATION. CHILDREN NEED TO BE FREE TO LOVE BOTH PARENTS. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE OTHER PARENT OR FEEL THAT THEY ARE INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOUR CHILD, YOU NEED TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITHOUT RESORTING TO DESTROYING THAT CHILD'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER PARENT. YOU CHILD CAN MAKE UP HIS/HER OWN MIND ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY LOVE OR EVEN LIKE THE OTHER PARENT WITHOUT BEING UNDULY INFLUENCED BY YOU. OBSESSED PARENT ALIENATORS WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO DAMAGE OR EVEN SEVERE A CHILD'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER PARENT. THIS IS A SERIOUS FORM OF CHILD ABUSE WHERE A CHILD IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE LOVING FEELINGS FOR THE OTHER PARENT OR HIS/HER EXTENDED FAMILY AND FRIENDS. THESE PEOPLE REPRESENT HALF OF THE CHILD'S HERITAGE. MOST PARENTS SLIP UP ONCE IN A WHILE, HOWEVER, PARENTS WHO REALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN'S BEST INTEREST WILL DO ALL THEY CAN TO KEEP THEIR CHILD OUT OF THE MIDDLE AND ALLOW THEM TO LOVE BOTH PARENTS.
*********THE BEST PARENT IS BOTH PARENTS***************
1. Have you ever criticized or spoken negatively about the other parent or his/her family or friends in front of your child or where the child could hear you?
2. Have you ever forced your child to choose between loving the other parent and you?
3. Do you talk about child support, money, or legal issues in front of your child?
4. Do you ever limit time with the other parent because you feel that you are the best parent?
5. Do you ask the child to keep secrets, lie or hide things from the other parent?
6. Do you pump your child to get detailed information of where they go and what they do when they are with the other parent?
7. Do you ever prevent the child from speaking with the other parent by blocking phone messages, not returning phone calls, erasing email messages or not giving them mail or gifts?
8. Do you interrupt the child's time with the other parent by calling too much or planning activities during their time with the other parent?
9. Do you deny your child the right to spend designated time with the other parent?
10. Have you ever sabotaged any activity that your child was doing with the other parent?
11. Do you encourage your child to blame the other parent or to choose sides?
12. Do you use your child as a therapist or your special friend to share your deep and upsetting emotions with the child?
13. Do you let your child know that you feel badly when he/she has a good time with the other parent?
14. Do you ask your child to spy for you while with the other parent?
15. Do you make a contest of how much love, care, and attention the child gives to the other parent and his/her family and friends versus how much attention you receive from the child?
16. Do you ever instill guilt, pressure or rejection of the other parent in your child?
17. Have you ever made false accusations, such as implying drug abuse or inappropriate sexual behavior to the police or Department of Child and Family Services?
18. Do you stop your child from expressing his/her feelings (love,happiness,excitement,anger,fear or sadness), whether you agree with them or not?
IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, YOU NEED TO EVALUATE TO WHAT EXTENT YOU ARE ENGAGING IN PARENTAL ALIENATION. CHILDREN NEED TO BE FREE TO LOVE BOTH PARENTS. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE OTHER PARENT OR FEEL THAT THEY ARE INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOUR CHILD, YOU NEED TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITHOUT RESORTING TO DESTROYING THAT CHILD'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER PARENT. YOU CHILD CAN MAKE UP HIS/HER OWN MIND ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY LOVE OR EVEN LIKE THE OTHER PARENT WITHOUT BEING UNDULY INFLUENCED BY YOU. OBSESSED PARENT ALIENATORS WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO DAMAGE OR EVEN SEVERE A CHILD'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER PARENT. THIS IS A SERIOUS FORM OF CHILD ABUSE WHERE A CHILD IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE LOVING FEELINGS FOR THE OTHER PARENT OR HIS/HER EXTENDED FAMILY AND FRIENDS. THESE PEOPLE REPRESENT HALF OF THE CHILD'S HERITAGE. MOST PARENTS SLIP UP ONCE IN A WHILE, HOWEVER, PARENTS WHO REALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN'S BEST INTEREST WILL DO ALL THEY CAN TO KEEP THEIR CHILD OUT OF THE MIDDLE AND ALLOW THEM TO LOVE BOTH PARENTS.
*********THE BEST PARENT IS BOTH PARENTS***************
Monday, May 4, 2009
Now Let The Games Begin...
Now let the games begin....
No this is not a game. This is very serious. This is legally "Our Last Stand" and the beginning of our custody battle for Rinda's sake. In the past we have asked for only the rights that my husband already has according to the law. We only asked for his rights as a father with joint custody to be enforced. Now we are asking for full custody. With Rinda's 17th birthday only a month away, time is of the essence My husband did take a trip to the city last week to interview the "finalist" from our extensive attorney search. He did hire one. Again, all of our hopes are placed in the hands of the this one person to put all resources toward helping our situation and to guide our journey through the often long and winding roads called the Family Court System. Again, we are going to hope for the best. What is different this time is that we MAY HAVE found an attorney that actually cares about what happens to Rinda ( I stress the words, may have). We are still in the honeymoon phase of the process. We've paid the retainer fee and signed a contract. We are "sceptically hopeful" at this point. After all, having some hope is much better than where we've been for so many years. Having some hope is a relief from living in total despair as those of you who have experienced the effects of PA know all too well.
No this is not a game. This is very serious. This is legally "Our Last Stand" and the beginning of our custody battle for Rinda's sake. In the past we have asked for only the rights that my husband already has according to the law. We only asked for his rights as a father with joint custody to be enforced. Now we are asking for full custody. With Rinda's 17th birthday only a month away, time is of the essence My husband did take a trip to the city last week to interview the "finalist" from our extensive attorney search. He did hire one. Again, all of our hopes are placed in the hands of the this one person to put all resources toward helping our situation and to guide our journey through the often long and winding roads called the Family Court System. Again, we are going to hope for the best. What is different this time is that we MAY HAVE found an attorney that actually cares about what happens to Rinda ( I stress the words, may have). We are still in the honeymoon phase of the process. We've paid the retainer fee and signed a contract. We are "sceptically hopeful" at this point. After all, having some hope is much better than where we've been for so many years. Having some hope is a relief from living in total despair as those of you who have experienced the effects of PA know all too well.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
P.A. AWARENESS DAY
Remember today is Parental Awareness Day !
You might have heard that it is also Malaria Awareness Day, not to lessen the importance of that at all, as there are countless people affected by that disease.
However if you live in the U.S.A., chances are much more likely to personally know a person that is affected by Parental Alienation. Someone you work with, your neighbor, your friend.
Hopefully some day they can cancel the National Awareness Day when we are all set free from this "un-disease"......called Parental Alienation and focus on real diseases like malaria !
You might have heard that it is also Malaria Awareness Day, not to lessen the importance of that at all, as there are countless people affected by that disease.
However if you live in the U.S.A., chances are much more likely to personally know a person that is affected by Parental Alienation. Someone you work with, your neighbor, your friend.
Hopefully some day they can cancel the National Awareness Day when we are all set free from this "un-disease"......called Parental Alienation and focus on real diseases like malaria !
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The Big Book
This is The Big Book !
This collection of paperwork has come from the past 8 years of living in the darkness of Parental Alienation. It's a longgggg sadddd story ! The documentation shows so much of what has transpired since 2001. But it does not show the toll taken on the lives of the people involved in this situation.
Half of Rinda' s life has occurred since 2001. It has aged my husband and I beyond our years and I'm sure that it has taken a toll on the Alienating Parent, Rinda's mom. When a battle like this occurs NO ONE WINS.....we all lose.
We all lose more than we can ever regain. I guess that is one of the cruel jokes played on all of us that are affected by P.A.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Attorney: A Four Letter Word ????
Let me ask you, IS the word, attorney a four letter word in your house? How about the word, lawyer?
At our house it is !
We just refer to it as the A-word or the L-word. The very mention of the Family Court System and it's many players causes the tension level to rise in our home. We weren't always this way. My husband used to the be poster boy for "trusting the system". He truly believed that if you do the right thing and you follow all the rules that it will all work out. It's been a hard lesson for him to learn. At this stage, after 8 years, he is now what I consider to be a non-believer regarding the whole legal system. He has lost all hope that there is an attorney/lawyer out there that will actually care about our daughter's life and future. He no longer believes in the system.
I, on the other hand NEVER DID..... My background gave me early experiences to understand the failure of the family court system to rule in the best interest of the child. I was the one 8 years ago that said that ATTORNEY IS A FOUR LETTER WORD....one of the most offensive, vulgar words in the dictionary. But as life has a funny way of switching things around, I am now on a major mission to find the RIGHT ONE.....attorney that is. I know that there HAS TO BE a person that is practicing law in the State of Texas that CAN and WILL help us. So, I've been researching, calling, emailing and setting up appointments with attorneys in the city in which our daughter lives. Being out of state, does make it a bit more challenging but by no means impossible.
After spending three days interviewing attorneys in the city. I am exhausted. Driving back home, I had a lot of time to think about it. I wanted to narrow it down to the best 3 so that my husband can re-interview the final three to pick one. Unfortunately I couldn't even pick three that I thought MIGHT BE THE ONE. I have only two lined up for him to see. Hopefully one of those two WILL BE THE ONE.
AGAIN, Anyone with any suggestions for an attorney in the Dallas/Ft.Worth area ????
This will be our final round....We plan to put all our chips on one number, spin the wheel and let it ride...... Wish us luck, I am sure that we will need it.
At our house it is !
We just refer to it as the A-word or the L-word. The very mention of the Family Court System and it's many players causes the tension level to rise in our home. We weren't always this way. My husband used to the be poster boy for "trusting the system". He truly believed that if you do the right thing and you follow all the rules that it will all work out. It's been a hard lesson for him to learn. At this stage, after 8 years, he is now what I consider to be a non-believer regarding the whole legal system. He has lost all hope that there is an attorney/lawyer out there that will actually care about our daughter's life and future. He no longer believes in the system.
I, on the other hand NEVER DID..... My background gave me early experiences to understand the failure of the family court system to rule in the best interest of the child. I was the one 8 years ago that said that ATTORNEY IS A FOUR LETTER WORD....one of the most offensive, vulgar words in the dictionary. But as life has a funny way of switching things around, I am now on a major mission to find the RIGHT ONE.....attorney that is. I know that there HAS TO BE a person that is practicing law in the State of Texas that CAN and WILL help us. So, I've been researching, calling, emailing and setting up appointments with attorneys in the city in which our daughter lives. Being out of state, does make it a bit more challenging but by no means impossible.
After spending three days interviewing attorneys in the city. I am exhausted. Driving back home, I had a lot of time to think about it. I wanted to narrow it down to the best 3 so that my husband can re-interview the final three to pick one. Unfortunately I couldn't even pick three that I thought MIGHT BE THE ONE. I have only two lined up for him to see. Hopefully one of those two WILL BE THE ONE.
AGAIN, Anyone with any suggestions for an attorney in the Dallas/Ft.Worth area ????
This will be our final round....We plan to put all our chips on one number, spin the wheel and let it ride...... Wish us luck, I am sure that we will need it.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
One Year Later...... "FOURTEEN MONTHS"
It's been exactly one year since I first posted on Rindas2mom blog. I can't fully explain why, after making the original post I decided to "go private again" and go back to keeping my journal instead of posting it on the blog. Many factors influenced my decision, however, I'm back and I ready to tell our whole, long, sad, excruciating story.
TODAY...... is April 9, 2009 and we are STILL trying to legally intervene while my stepdaughter's life continues to spiral out of control. This is my second trip to the city this year. I am on a shopping spree....shopping for ANOTHER attorney. I carry with me a EXTRA LARGE 3 ring binder stuffed full of documents and information relating to this case. I've found that consulting with 2 or 3 lawyers a day and having to re-tell the same sad story over and over IS TOTALLY EXHAUSTING, physically and mentally.
TODAY.....April 9, 2009 is exactly FOURTEEN MONTHS ( 1 4 M O N T H S ) until Rinda will turn 18 years old. As we know all too well, that when she turns 18 that we will no longer be able to LEGALLY INTERVENE.
With only 14 months left of her "childhood" we have now missed 1/2 ( half) of her life. Half of her entire life has been spent in the darkness of parental alienation. If you know anything about the effects of PA, then you realize that if nothing changes, that she will still be dealing with the effects of this issue long after her Dad and I are dead and gone. We will never give up, but time is running out for our legal intervention.
IF YOU CAN RECOMMEND AN ATTORNEY IN THE DALLAS\FT. WORTH METRO AREA THAT SPECIALIZES IN CASES OF PARENTAL ALIENATION..........please let me know. Also good luck to you and your loved ones !
TODAY...... is April 9, 2009 and we are STILL trying to legally intervene while my stepdaughter's life continues to spiral out of control. This is my second trip to the city this year. I am on a shopping spree....shopping for ANOTHER attorney. I carry with me a EXTRA LARGE 3 ring binder stuffed full of documents and information relating to this case. I've found that consulting with 2 or 3 lawyers a day and having to re-tell the same sad story over and over IS TOTALLY EXHAUSTING, physically and mentally.
TODAY.....April 9, 2009 is exactly FOURTEEN MONTHS ( 1 4 M O N T H S ) until Rinda will turn 18 years old. As we know all too well, that when she turns 18 that we will no longer be able to LEGALLY INTERVENE.
With only 14 months left of her "childhood" we have now missed 1/2 ( half) of her life. Half of her entire life has been spent in the darkness of parental alienation. If you know anything about the effects of PA, then you realize that if nothing changes, that she will still be dealing with the effects of this issue long after her Dad and I are dead and gone. We will never give up, but time is running out for our legal intervention.
IF YOU CAN RECOMMEND AN ATTORNEY IN THE DALLAS\FT. WORTH METRO AREA THAT SPECIALIZES IN CASES OF PARENTAL ALIENATION..........please let me know. Also good luck to you and your loved ones !
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